After all that happen

What's right and what's wrong...?

Who's real and who's not...?

熟悉的字体

工作了那么久终于有得休息了。可是过两天就要搬家了，今天开始慢慢的收拾一些东西。

无奈的我收拾到很热，又流汗，有多灰尘，一路收拾就越来越不爽。

突然间眼前出现一个很熟悉的字体。。。我的嘴角慢慢的微笑了起来。。。

这几个简单的字母就能让我整个人笑了起来。脑海里瞬间出现许许多多的画面。

大多数都是你的笑容和你那古灵精怪的表情。真的是太想你了。。。

本来想说这些notes都已经没用了，可以丢了。可是过后还是舍不得，一份一份的把它收起来。

不管你现在过得怎么样，我还是一样每天想你，爱你。。。

世界不一样

我发觉没有了你，我很难再笑，

已经找不会自己的笑容。

很多事情都变了，变得更不好。

仿佛不懂该怎么走下去，这条路没了你真不好走。

电脑终于弄好了， 可以跟你说声，

我好想你。

how i wish u were there....

It's been six months and four days since the last time i held u and i held ur hand....it was also the last time i felt u...u were in my arms for the one last time.... It was Adrian's birthday tonight at Royal Oak....I had fun...I really did....but somehow, I miss you... It reminds me of you so much...

It reminds me of 3 years ago on my 21st birthday......how u were the best present I had in my life....I remember how you took care of me...The way you hug me...and the way you care for me when I puke....I will always remember the hug you gave me on that particular night....and your tears that flow onto my face....I remember how guilty you were but also how happy you were...

I know it's way too long for me to say this...but honestly, this has been in my heart and mind for a very very long time....not just this, I remember every single detail, every single touch, every word, and every hugs and kisses from you...

Seriously.... The whole gang was there.... It's weird that tonight was the first night I didn't get drunk after drinking so much...I dunno why but probably because I was thinking about you every seconds.... I hope I was....I believe I was....

Wherever you are and whatever you're doing....I just want to tell you that I love you so so much...Please take good care of yourself...I know it is silly for me to say I'll wait for you...but still I do...trust me...!!! I really do...from the bottom of my heart...

Out of no where there was this urge to contact you comes into my mind, and I finally did it... It feels great to be able to hear from you again... But I had to put my feelings to you aside just to send you a couple of greetings message...May be because I'm afraid....I'm afraid of the your replies...or the way you reply... What I realize is that I still love you so much...and I will always do...

雨

今天下了一场又大又长的雨，让我想起很多事情。

记得以前睡觉时很少抱着你睡，因为天气很热，我又没办法装冷气，也没钱装。

也不让你抱我睡，因为我会一直流汗，很热很难睡。

所以很记得每次一下雨你就会很开心的笑着对我说 “下雨了，天气凉凉了，今晚可以抱着你了。”

然后在那凉凉的天气就会感觉到你身体的温暖。

可是现在的我却只能靠被单来保温，

再也没机会在这么样的天气拥有你身上的温暖了。

也许你已经忘了我，

也许我在你生命中只不过是过去，

也许你对我们的过去已不再留恋，

也许我已不会无时无刻的出现在你脑海里，

也许我们的过去只不过是你生命中的一张照片，

但是你一直都是我的希望，

你一直是我最大的愿望和目标，

而这是一直都不会改变的事实，

我只是让自己有希望去希望。

我爱你。

不知不觉又再想起你，想起很多和你开心的回忆。

眼泪还是会因为你流下，真的很想很想可以再一次紧紧的抱着你。

很想念你在身旁的时候, 很想依靠着你，感受到你给的温暖。

以前再忙再累都会有你在身边让我倾诉，帮我按摩。

现在只能靠那些回忆来安抚自己了。

这首歌的词就真的是我现在的感受

没有你的日子真的不容易

我已学会珍惜，再给我一次勇气

好想告诉你我的爱一直留在你那里。

So close yet so far

I didn't expect it to be so hard for me... Saw your fb post that you're having dinner at a place just a couple of blocks away from my house. I felt like you were so near to me that I wanted to be there just to have a look at you, in fact I almost did.

You were the one that say you hope we can still be friends, but it didn't turn out to be like that. May be you're just trying to protect yourself, I understand. But it kills me to feel like talking to you and listening to your voice every single day even though I know that it is impossible. It's like I've totally lost contact with you but deep in my heart you still own a extremely large space.

I don't know what's wrong with me, I miss you so much...

我也希望可以重来，但是对你来说已经太迟了，

不过我还是会继续等待。

过了那么久那种对你的感觉还是没变，

每一天还是会默默地想起你，

身边的每一样东西都与你有关，

真的是每一样东西都会令我想起你，

就连身上穿着的衣服都和你有关，

房里有很多东西也是，客厅的都是，

就连厕所都还有你用的洗脸霜，

每次都很想联络你，都会拿起电话打给你，

但因为害怕你的冷漠而不敢，

很想再次听见你的声音，就算只是一句也好，

不是我执著不要放弃，

而是每当我发觉自己有多爱你时，

就很难去逼自己做，

不管怎样我还是爱你。

If there is one thing and one thing only that I could change,

It would be the day you left,

because that's when I broke your heart and my own.

If there will be no more tomorrow and that I wouldn't get to see you anymore,

I wish to hold you in my arms and tell you how much I love you,

because that's what I really feel deep down in my heart.

错误的决定

开始不明白那份执著为何一直还在

是因为失去，还是开始明白

珍惜跟失去永远都是一起存在

为何就不能拥有时珍惜？

终于明白思念是那么痛苦

我试着不要找你，但我不懂自己能耐多久

很想让你知道我有多爱你，又怕你会逃避

为什么失去之后才发觉自己有多爱你

以前觉得为了另一半去放弃一些东西是苯

可是现在的我缺能为了你放弃全部

很想让自己去不爱你，可是对你的爱已经在心理

就只能躲在一个角落说我爱你，盼望你能听得到。

我又怎么告诉你我还爱你 是我自己错误的决定

It's been a very long time since we last met. I have been forcing myself not to message you. No messages, no calls, no FB chat, no MSN, no FB messages, no seeing you. After all this while I thought that I would be able to forget you or at least not to think about you, but I was wrong. No matter what, I will still think of you every single day.

I've moved on. I'm doing my job and I'm doing what I've always been doing, I started to go out with friends, I started to put full focus while editing. Basically I moved on in terms of my life and my job. But my life isn't the same anymore without you. Everything is just not right without you. May be I was just used to have you but isn't that what Love is all about? You love someone, you spend your life with her, and you start to get use to have her in your life but you still enjoys it, and getting use to have someone doesn't mean you don't love her.

I used to think that giving up something for a girl is a stupid thing. But I don't know why I am willing to give up anything in my life just to have you back in my arms and hear you calling me "Lou Gong Zai". I tried not to be so selfish but I couldn't. Seriously I am happy to see you happy with the guy but I still want to be the guy that makes you happy.

Everyday when I wake up in the morning I wanted to send you a message saying "Good Morning Dear." like what I used to do some times. But knowing that you're happy now with your new boyfriend stops me from doing that. And also I'm afraid that you will avoid me even more.

I once told my dad if God gave me the chance now I would marry you, or I should say I want to marry you and take you as my wife, not because I'm afraid of losing you or I say this because I've lost you. It is because I didn't put commitment in our relationship and now I want to commit myself in the relationship with you because I realized all I want is you. In fact all I wanted is you, but I gave you up and I disappoint you. I used to be putting myself in the center but because of my love to you I'm not afraid to let people know the mistake I've made and how much I've disappoint you.

Everyday I pray to God and say that I really made a mistake and I'm very regret, but I really love you so much and please give me another chance for me to love you and for you to love me, and I am willing to scarifies anything, seriously anything just to have you back. But no matter how hard I pray it doesn't seems to make any difference. All I can do now is live my life and just give myself HOPE to HOPE.

I love you and I will always do. Please come back to me Lou Po Zai........

男人，心

男人这两个字在社会上代表了很多东西，勇敢, 强壮，坚强，理智。就连 “男” 这个字都用了“田” 和 “力” 的混合。但是，男人的内心却没人可理解，或许就连他们自己也都无法理解。人们常说 “女人心海底针”，可是男人的心有时候往往会比女生更来得复杂。

不知道是不是因为世界的转变，现在的女人比男人还要坚强，或者是男人已经坚强了几千年，现在终于变软弱了。对我来说，我却觉得是因为男人是为了保护心爱的女人，所以才一直扮演着坚强的角色。当他们心爱的女生离开时，就会把一直压抑着的情绪都放出来。

怎么说都好，所有男人都花心，根据科学是因为以前男人的责任都是传种接代，所以他们不会放过任何繁殖的机会。可是，其实男人跟一个女人在一起旧后就会对自己缺乏信心，就会想要去跟别的女生调情，来看看自己的魅力是否还在。这个无可否认就是男人最自私的一面。

多数的女人当知道自己的男人到外面去“玩”时，都会生气，绝望，和失望。很多男人也就因为这样被抛弃。然后男人才发觉他们其实真真爱的人就是离开了的那个，才来怪自己为何当初那么笨。可是，一切都太迟了，因为女人的心已经冷淡了。眼看着自己亲手送走自己心里爱的人，男人又会回到他们内心软弱的那面。这时男人因为发觉自己爱的是她时，就会不顾一切的去挽回，但女人遇到这种情况都无法接受会那个男人了。遇到这种情况女人就会坚决的放弃，然后去过自己的生活，可是男人就会一直挽回和责怪自己。所以说，谁才是坚强的那个？

人家说女人犯贱，其实男人更犯贱！女人的心当被刺伤了，其它男人的关怀与爱护就是最好的药。但男人的心一旦破碎了，就算别的女人出现也未必能救回了。为何女人离开后就会铁石心肠，而男人就会依依不舍呢？为何女人心一淡就能冷到就算男人怎么改都无法改变？又为何男人总是失去了才知道真真爱的是谁？爱一个人真的会有爱得太迟这回事吗？

Today is the day you get together with your new lover. I have to say that I am happy for you. But I still love you and miss you so much that it breaks my heart when I got the news. No matter what I will always be waiting for you and pray that one day I will have the chance to get you back and make you happy... I'm sorry but I love you my dear...

good to see you

I waited for almost 3 and a half hours just to see you for 30mins... But i need to admit that was the greatest 30mins i had in the year 2011. Although we didn't talk much, i didn't try to get you back coz i know if i were to that, we wouldn't even have talk for 30mins long.

Deep in my heart i wanted to say how much i love you and how much i miss you.. but i didn't just because i am hoping to see u longer.. or may be i was just hoping to see you again very soon.. After all it is the hope that keeps me moving.

I saw the recycle bag you had in your car just beside you and i knew at that moment it was so familiar.. i knew that you were overnight at some other person's place.. But i don't mind or i should say i didn't have the rights to mind..

No matter what happens i just want you to know that my love for you will never change.. If waiting for you forever is the only way to have you back, then forever it is..

Love always ~

i miss

It's almost the end of Chinese New Year. Fireworks were shooting up the sky for hours. How i wish you were here with me looking at the colorful lights up in the dark skies. i started to miss you a lot..

Missing all the small little things about you that i didn't notice when i was indulged by your love. I realize it's all these small little things that make you so special...

i miss the touch of your skin

i miss your lips

i miss your eyes

i miss seeing you standing in front of my house with breakfast on your hand

i miss the smile on your face every time i open my door

i miss the smell of you on my bed

i miss you helping me to wash my face

i miss you giving me massages when i'm tired

i miss your angry face every time i wake you up in the morning

i miss seeing your sleepy face on bed

i miss the time when you always fall asleep anywhere anytime

i miss seeing you sneaking around trying to give me a surprise

i miss you bugging me when i am focusing on something

i miss seeing you fall asleep when we watch movies

i miss the cheeky face you give me every time i tease you

i miss saying you have the weirdest and shortest toe

i miss seeing you sleeping behind me while im editing

i miss how you show me your love

and

i miss you

Giving up is never easy

Your presence in my life was a miracle that I have never ever expect will happen to me... Having you by my side was the my luckiest moment...

I gave you up because of my selfishness and immature thinking... I thought giving you up was the best choice for you and me... Then I realize that the biggest mistake I've made was not hurting you, but giving up your love...

I started to realize days without you is like a living hell... My selfishness has cost me a great great lost... No matter what I am really grateful that you once let me into your world and you being in mine... You gave me all your love, everything... You supported me in every way.. I am sorry for not showing you my love when you need it the most... But my love for you will never change...

I love you