So close yet so far

I didn't expect it to be so hard for me... Saw your fb post that you're having dinner at a place just a couple of blocks away from my house. I felt like you were so near to me that I wanted to be there just to have a look at you, in fact I almost did.

You were the one that say you hope we can still be friends, but it didn't turn out to be like that. May be you're just trying to protect yourself, I understand. But it kills me to feel like talking to you and listening to your voice every single day even though I know that it is impossible. It's like I've totally lost contact with you but deep in my heart you still own a extremely large space.

I don't know what's wrong with me, I miss you so much...

我也希望可以重来，但是对你来说已经太迟了，

不过我还是会继续等待。

过了那么久那种对你的感觉还是没变，

每一天还是会默默地想起你，

身边的每一样东西都与你有关，

真的是每一样东西都会令我想起你，

就连身上穿着的衣服都和你有关，

房里有很多东西也是，客厅的都是，

就连厕所都还有你用的洗脸霜，

每次都很想联络你，都会拿起电话打给你，

但因为害怕你的冷漠而不敢，

很想再次听见你的声音，就算只是一句也好，

不是我执著不要放弃，

而是每当我发觉自己有多爱你时，

就很难去逼自己做，

不管怎样我还是爱你。

If there is one thing and one thing only that I could change,

It would be the day you left,

because that's when I broke your heart and my own.

If there will be no more tomorrow and that I wouldn't get to see you anymore,

I wish to hold you in my arms and tell you how much I love you,

because that's what I really feel deep down in my heart.

错误的决定

开始不明白那份执著为何一直还在

是因为失去，还是开始明白

珍惜跟失去永远都是一起存在

为何就不能拥有时珍惜？

终于明白思念是那么痛苦

我试着不要找你，但我不懂自己能耐多久

很想让你知道我有多爱你，又怕你会逃避

为什么失去之后才发觉自己有多爱你

以前觉得为了另一半去放弃一些东西是苯

可是现在的我缺能为了你放弃全部

很想让自己去不爱你，可是对你的爱已经在心理

就只能躲在一个角落说我爱你，盼望你能听得到。

我又怎么告诉你我还爱你 是我自己错误的决定

It's been a very long time since we last met. I have been forcing myself not to message you. No messages, no calls, no FB chat, no MSN, no FB messages, no seeing you. After all this while I thought that I would be able to forget you or at least not to think about you, but I was wrong. No matter what, I will still think of you every single day.

I've moved on. I'm doing my job and I'm doing what I've always been doing, I started to go out with friends, I started to put full focus while editing. Basically I moved on in terms of my life and my job. But my life isn't the same anymore without you. Everything is just not right without you. May be I was just used to have you but isn't that what Love is all about? You love someone, you spend your life with her, and you start to get use to have her in your life but you still enjoys it, and getting use to have someone doesn't mean you don't love her.

I used to think that giving up something for a girl is a stupid thing. But I don't know why I am willing to give up anything in my life just to have you back in my arms and hear you calling me "Lou Gong Zai". I tried not to be so selfish but I couldn't. Seriously I am happy to see you happy with the guy but I still want to be the guy that makes you happy.

Everyday when I wake up in the morning I wanted to send you a message saying "Good Morning Dear." like what I used to do some times. But knowing that you're happy now with your new boyfriend stops me from doing that. And also I'm afraid that you will avoid me even more.

I once told my dad if God gave me the chance now I would marry you, or I should say I want to marry you and take you as my wife, not because I'm afraid of losing you or I say this because I've lost you. It is because I didn't put commitment in our relationship and now I want to commit myself in the relationship with you because I realized all I want is you. In fact all I wanted is you, but I gave you up and I disappoint you. I used to be putting myself in the center but because of my love to you I'm not afraid to let people know the mistake I've made and how much I've disappoint you.

Everyday I pray to God and say that I really made a mistake and I'm very regret, but I really love you so much and please give me another chance for me to love you and for you to love me, and I am willing to scarifies anything, seriously anything just to have you back. But no matter how hard I pray it doesn't seems to make any difference. All I can do now is live my life and just give myself HOPE to HOPE.

I love you and I will always do. Please come back to me Lou Po Zai........